We are intricately intertwined with our partner. As a result, we often want them to change in good ways. Maybe their current behavior hurts us or others. Maybe we recognize their untapped potential. Maybe we want them to change because we love them and want them to live satisfying lives. 

However, too often we go about "helping" our partner in the wrong ways. If we really want results and a better relationship, we should update our understanding of how to motivate.